Easily Entertained Two: Getting Rid of Customers
26 January 2012
Over the years bad customer service experiences convinced me there’s a how-to-get-rid of-customers manual out there. And it’s well read.
I have three additions.
First: Use a loud voice so the customer is embarrassed.
The first happened to The Prince Consort and I in an unnamed burger chain. When my ‘Bopper’ sandwich arrived stone cold, The Prince Consort complained.
The unit manager stomped out to our table and said in a voice that carried over the busy dining room, “I don’t know why you’re complaining. You should have ordered it hot.”
So “Have it Your Way” meant being way more specific than just ‘No mayo.”
We were too stunned to respond and never bothered his unit again.
Second: In a car dealership, insult irritating customers so they do not return.
Years ago when I shopped for my beloved BMW, TPC and I sat in the salesman’s office filling out forms. We got to the trade-in part. The Salesman looked at us and said, “You rolled back the odometer on the trade-in. For a car that age, there’s no way that’s the real mileage.”
I’m obsessively honest. Do NOT question it.
TPC got up and backed slowly out of the office, keeping an eye on me and any sudden movements on my part. The salesman stopped talking; his eyes flashed from TPC to me. As I reached for the trade-in’s keys in the middle of the desk, I said in that voice that meant it was a damn good thing Alabama didn’t allow concealed carry, “We’re done.” The salesman shot a look to TPC who was halfway to the parking lot. And then the salesman talked fast, apologized, made every excuse in the book, and saved the sale.
Note: My Ceit, the BMW, at 21 years old just passed the 100k miles mark.
This really tricky one almost backfired on the salesman. He made the sale, because I was determined to buy the car. But he did insure that I didn’t return to the service department for anything. So- success. Irritating customer gone.
Third: Don’t care.
I was checking out of the chain bookstore when the cashier tried to sell me the annual membership. Kudos to him for using the first rule of anti-sales: assume the customer can barely read and write and sure as hell can’t do math without taking off her shoes to count toes. He said, “If you had the membership, you’d have saved $3.10 today and every single day. In no time you’d get your membership back.”
He did not bat an eye when I said, “That assumes I buy this many books daily. I don’t. No thank you.”
The cashier shrugged, and said, “It’s up to you. I don’t really care.”
TPC and I got into the car before we laughed so hard we cried. Of all the bad customer services this was the most honest. But he failed. We will be back, true without the annual membership, but I’ll be in his line again.
Kath who, although she has gone from irritated to entertained by bad service, does stand up for herself even without a concealed carry.
